Wick's Review

Summary - Very Good 3.5

I missed 1.0 but 2.0 made for 1 helluva fun night at the movies.¹ We’re talking manly duets out the wazoo.

• Stallone and Statham
• Stallone and Hemsworth, Liam Hemsworth
• Stallone and Van Damme
• Stallone and Lundgren
• Stallone and Willis
• Stallone and Schwarzenegger (a name that exists in the Mac spellchecker)
• Willis and Schwarzenegger
• And on and on

Expendables? Hardly, they are the movie. Call it an irony hiding in plain sight.
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¹ Winchester 21 to be particular, best big screen in Northern California. Row 8. Center.

Acting - Great 4.0

• Sylvester Stallone, as Barney the skull-obsessed head mercenary, still has his granite physique and ability to deliver action lines, which he trades with each and every other star.
• Jason Statham as Christmas, his right-hand man, delivers straight lines as effectively as he delivers killing blows.
• Charisma Carpenter fetchingly plays Statham’s cheatin’ wife. Great name for a gorgeous actress.
• Jet Li’s briefly seen character is named Yin Yang, which gives a sense of how deeply tongue is buried in cheek throughout the movie.
• Dolph Lundgren exists more for comic relief than fighting ability.
• Chuck Norris is one of several big names who do little more than cameo, to great effect.
• Jean-Claude Van Damme makes a very effective villain named Vilain. Tongue-in-cheek, natch.
• Bruce Willis disappoints, having been given the thankless role of bigwig asshole. However he does get a chance for a subtle wisecrack or two towards the end.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger also disappoints, trading in “I’ll be backs” one too many times.
• Terry Crews effectively hangs with the big names, not least because of his NFL physique.
• Randy Couture as Toll Road gets maybe two lines in the entire movie.
• Liam Hemsworth as Bill The Kid, what passes for a heartthrob in an unsentimental movie like this. Thor’s younger brother is going to be a major star, not to mention Billy Ray Cyrus’s son-in-law.
• Scott Adkins as an effectively hissable bad guy.
• Nan Yu as a Chinese mercenary, no doubt to perk up box office in Beijing, Shanghai & Hong Kong. Unfortunately she’s challenged in the charisma department.

Film - Very Good 3.5

Fun? Yeah, sick fun. No shortage of workable LOLs and some really good ones too in a just OK script. Really great visuals and IndyJones’ quality hyper-reality make Expendables2 a cinematic delight. Really.

Edge - Risqué 2.5

Big surprise, Ex2’s R rating is due to its savage violence. Remember, these are the guys who pioneered the Corpse Shield. Now that’s entertainment.

While the sex is nonexistent, Ex2 exists as a classic specimen of action porn.

Reality - Surreal 3.0

Apparent reality that’s nearly supernatural, aka IndyJones’ quality hyper-reality. How they do that? Start with over a hundred stuntmen, add in three dozen sculptors and countless other techs and you’re almost there.

What is hyper-reality? See my reality commentary on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

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